Warning to female tourists thinking of marrying Egyptians

Dear writer, where did you meet him? and what is his job? The age difference isn't too great so that shouldn't be a problem, but do be careful, if you decide to see him again, ask to meet his family, and you have read this site, so you will be aware of the different methods of hinting for money, (Mother ill, sister getting married, operation needed for himself etc.)I am married to a good egyptian man, but did it in the right way, look back at my story. All the best Hannan. UK.

OK, I understand now that I probably am a victim of a con. Let me say, after reading this site and other similar sites, I am realising that my Egyptian boyfriend probably is a con. All the signs are there; the sweet and beautiful words about love, the stories about his need for money (mother ill, lost business), not had sex before (only one time, he says, 9 years ago), and a lot of other “signals of a con” picked up from different sites like this. Are they following the same recipe? He is working in tourist area in Hurghada (11 years) and he is 15 years younger than me. I July I visited him for the second time and I then found out that he had scammed me on the rent for the flat. Just a “common white Egyptian lie” according to him. So, all these red flags among with my natural scepticism, have really made me realise that this man may not be the man of my dreams.

In order to balance this statement, I do feel a need to also argue on the contrary elements. He did not now my age when we first met and started our contact. I look ten years younger than my age (45) and have a look that is very attractive to Egyptian men (the last stated by sources not interested in me as a woman. Sounds seek, I now). He has from the beginning been very clear on the fact that he is poor and that he has nothing to offer me. He is struggling to support his family (mother and sister). Father is dead and older brother is living in another country. His brother is not supporting towards the family. He has spoken a lot about his life in H and how nobody is your real friends and how everything is only about money. We have had sexual contact and, as a woman, I can say that he is very immature in this area. He is religious (medium Muslim according to himself), he do not drink alcohol and he do not use any drugs. He works out and his very healthy in the matter of food. The scamming on the rent was not very clever executed and could easily been done in another way to prevent me from finding out. He did give me the money back. When I am in Egypt he takes time off his work to spend with me, he is shopping for food, cocking for me and, sometimes, actually feeding me (strange, I now). He loves to bring me flowers, fruit and “om ali”. He feels very responsible for me, and after I submitted him from our flat after the rent incident, he had told the land lord to watch for me. And I must say, he did seem very hearth broken. He has told me that it is expected of him to marry an Egyptian woman to care for his mother. He said that like all Egyptian men he has always wanted to get married to an Eg woman and start a family, but due to the circumstances surrounding these marriages, he has, like many Eg man, never had the wealth to do it. When I ask him about the issues regarding “sex before marriage” (since he is a Muslim) and the fact that we may never have children, he is responding with “I choose you”.

It is like he has two faces, one with the tourists and one with me, and he is referring to the tourists like a “lump”.
We have talked a lot about the Egyptian mentality.
He has never asked me directly for money but I have sponsored food, trips, some clothes for him and rent for flat. He says that he, as an Eg man, is ashamed for this.

I would highly appreciate some comments.

Yes, I think you are a victim of a con. I was in Luxor 3 weeks ago to spend one week with my egyptian "boyfriend". I have met him in my holiday in march this year. Im very inexperienced with men (actually I was a virgin), so I was an easy victim to him. I had heard and read many warnings about egyptian men in tourist places, but like so many others before me I thought he was different and honest with me. He seemed so warm and nice and loving and open-hearted and so different than men in my own country (Finland). I usually see quite clearly if someone is worthy or not but I didnt see through him. I think it's because I saw him through the eyes of my own culture and didnt realize that egyptian or arabian culture is very different. Anyway, my eyes opened quite soon and I realized that he only wanted my money (and maybe my body for a while). But he did realize that he wouldnt get much from me so he ended it in 2 days and arranged my move to a hotel from an apartment that we shared (and which I paid of course).
And yes, he talked beautifully and he said he loved me and would give his life to me and so on. And I watched his eyes and he really seemed like he meant it. And he said he prayed a lot and was a religious man and that he could never hurt me because then he would go to hell. He swore this by his mother and by the Koran. And he never asked me for money (except the rent of an apartment) but I understood soon that he expected me to pay for everything we decided to do. I saw it all clearly in two days and he understood that he couldnt con me anymore. And I think that he saw how innocent and honest I was and his conscience (if he has one) made him end it quite soon. I was hurt and I cried a lot in my hotel room, but I got off easier than some other women that I have read of.
I'm 42 and he was thirtysomething, and I do look much younger too (he thought I was younger than he), so the age didnt count in this case. He just saw me as an opportunity to get money and maybe to get out of Egypt, because he talked about marriage in some point. And strangely I think he liked me really in some way but still more he wanted to use me for his own purposes. He had two faces too. We talked a lot and he told me much of his thoughts and his views of life and so on. And he really listened to me although our thinking differed in many things, but he listened and seemed to respect my thoughts and my life philosophy. And he was very protective of me and worried that I eat too little and so on. He was really sweet sometimes, I dont think it was all an act. And then, there was that other side of him that was dark. I really think that many of those con egyptian men have two or maybe more sides. There is good in them too. I think i saw in my Mohemmed the good side only at first and for that i fell in love. Later I saw the other side and I fell out of love. But my point is: He is not all bad and I think that in your case too it the same. And that's what is so confusing, isn't it.
I heard later that he had coned many european women and he was even married to an english woman twice his age. I felt so stupid and blind when I realized how bad he really was, but I have forgiven myself and I have forgiven him too because he is what he is and I just hope that someday he realizes how badly he does to other people and to himself.
My advise to you is that be very careful and try to see him through clear head without heart confusing the matter. Maybe invite your friends to see him too and ask them what they think of him. Sometimes someone from outside can see clearly what you cant. Think really hard what you are ready to tolerate from him and what he really wants or expects from you. And about children: They are really important to an egyptian men, Almost all of them want them sooner or laterwhatever they say. So think carefully and above all else do what is good for you not for anybody else. I hope you dont get hurt and I hope he is the good one( Without ulterior motives). Good luck and take good care of yourself!

Thanks for all comments, both those concerning my case and those concerning this threads issue in general. I feel a need to discuss this matter with someone, so I really appreciate all comments. They are wise and really helpful because I am so blinded by my feelings that I can not see straight anymore. And it is just so hard to accept that I was so wrong about him, despite the “cultural eyes”. Of course, I am in love…… and of course, if he is an actor…… But my intuition said that this man was good for me. And I felt so good being with him. So then again, I was an easy victim.

He did the rent scam to me, which is a fact! And the only fact I really know for sure. In the beginning he called it a white lie and a minor mistake. He has now emitted that it was wrong, showed remorse, apologised and given the money back. He never blamed me for it in any way; he said he had a devil on his shoulder. But as Khalid says, it was already in him.

It is just that I find him so very naïve in many ways. He himself was scammed by one of his friends last time I was in Egypt. And when I found out about the rent scam I insulted him big-time, also in front of our friends in a mediation set up in order to fix our relationship. He could just so easily have walked away and found a new victim. I don’t understand? Why all this hard work? Of course, he might just have seen the futures gains being with me.
During and after this period, he has only been sad, never angry or raised his voice. Me on the other hand…….. Oh my God!

Even if my head is telling me to forget him it is so hard to let go. I can’t stop asking myself if his intentions really are good. Probably just me wanting it………
Are Egyptian men at all able to fall in love? Or is it all about convenience? This has probably been discussed earlier in this thread, I don’t remember right now.
The first time I saw this man I was stroke by the energy I felt from him, this even before we had spoken a word. I knew then that I was going to learn something from him…….. and indeed I did! If I only had that stamp in my entry visa…….. 

Hi Khalid, Isis and Hannan,

Thank you kindly for taking the time and posting your comments, all comments I have read and re-read and taken on board your advice, may I say it was welcomed warmly. Things have progress, a little.

I have told him, I cannot be in a relationship with him, not until at least I understand the cultural differences and he understands mine, years....
I truly believe the best relationships are build out of friendship, then this way only time can tell, so I hope it’s ok I will keep you posted on monthly activity, if you prefer me not to use this website in this way, please advise in your return comments.

Hannan, again thank you for your comments, it is refreshing to hear that there "are" Egyptian men with hearts and true sincerity in their action & speech, rather than the dollar signs in their eye. He works in tourism... I guess my communications with him will not last long. I have a few long nights reading ahead of me to catch up on your story, I find this subject very sad, but extremely interesting & enlightening.

Egypt, will hold a special place in my heart, not for the fact I met someone but for the pure culture, the atmosphere, the people and the history. I will visit it again someday.

My final thoughts are of sadness, sadness for us in this small world, that peoples actions can be condemned at the outset, that they are denied a fair trial. That love could be so, so impossible and it carelessly used in this way, and if love is true, no one may ever know.

Khalid, this is an amazing website, you have all been friends over the past weeks...
Thank you
Martine