Humor

Here are various bits of Canadian humor, all of them about the weather. 

• The four seasons in Canada are June, July, August and Winter. 
• Tourists like to come to Ontario in the summer month.
• A bit north of Toronto, people consider themselves lucky if summer coincides with a weekend.
• Best way to fight the winter blues is to take up a winter sport. Complaining about winter is the most popular one. 
• In the praires, you can be sure that it does not snow in July and August.
• If you complain about weather in Canada, then move to Vancouver. Then you will complain about high real estate values and cost of living.

Considering the recent spat of extremely low temperatures, even by Southern Ontario's standards, why not support Global Warming?If you consider that some climate prediction studies say that temperatures could rise by as much as 11C, this is good news for Canadians!We should start by pressuring the government to reject the Kyoto agreement, and lobby other countries to do the same.

Here are some funny Canadian web sites, many of them with a political slant, specially with our neighbors to the south.

• MarryAnAmerican is a way for miserable progressive liberal Americans suffering the tyranny of the current US government to be emancipated by marrying a Canadian.
• VirtualCanadian is for those Americans who are not ready to move can register to be virtual Canadians.

In early August of 2004, KFC (or PFK, as it is called in Quebec), started a new commercial on television that is really funny.The commercial starts with a young woman pointing to the ground and screaming loudly, as if she saw a monster, a decaying corpse, or something really scary.Then the camera moves to the place she was pointing at, and there we see the horror: a lone fall-colored maple leaf on the ground!Then the commercial goes on to say enjoy a summer meal, ...etc.Later in the commercial, a fall color leaf falls on a young man's shoulde

Top 10 Reasons to Live in British Columbia

1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.8 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Alberta

1. Big Rock
2. Preston Manning
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Saskatchewan

1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about rollback if you have a standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbour's house
7. YOUR Rough-riders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Manitoba

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beach front property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when you cut someone off

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Ontario

1. You live in the centre of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
7. The only province with hard-core American style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Quebec

1. Everybody assumes you're an ass
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. Non-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"